life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
