So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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