SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
