My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
