i permit you to call me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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