I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
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