Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
