I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
