Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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