i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
