does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
