we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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