and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
