Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
