Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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