his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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