Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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