First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
