I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
