i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't deserve a penis
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
