I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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