i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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