try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
