i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
