woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
