I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
