So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
