I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
