dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
