So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
