Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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