I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
