Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
