I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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