forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
