so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
how does that bad decision feel?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
