This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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