Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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