Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
