i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
