I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
