That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
