what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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