And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
