Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
