how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
