Your mouth is God's brothel.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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