elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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