Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
