No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
