Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am mentally ready for anal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
