Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
