Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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