Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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